Hello and Goodbye

About 5 weeks ago I had a funny feeling that I was missing some one. Then I realised I was a week late. So I did a test and only one line shows up. Leave the test for a few minutes and look again and there is a second line slowly getting darker. I was not sure how to take this as they say dont read results after so many minutes. I figured I could always do a blood test.

So off to Joburg to visit Mommy dear and she takes me for a test on the monday, and lo-and-behold it comes back as 4 weeks. I get my head around this and give the other half a call. Needless to say he is happy about this as he wants 4 and says I can keep them coming.

I phoned the OBGYN and made the first appointment for 5 and a bit weeks. We did the check up and everything looked perfect, a little flutter showing the heart. It was around this time that my morning sickness started kicking in. Queasy here and there and the occasional run to the loo.

I had told some close friends and some forum buddies at this point. With Graeme I told the world at 8 weeks, but this time round I had a funny feeling to keep my mouth shut.

Fast forward 4 weeks.

On Saturday I had a strange desire for MacDonalds and that was the last time I had morning sickness.

My next check up was on Tuesday, I was 9.3 weeks. We did the normal catch up the the OBGYN and then time for the scan. She inserts the scanner jobby up my who-ha. As she is going up to the baby I can see it has grown, but something doesn’t look right, Its not moving at all and I cant see the little black-grey-white flicker of the heart.

At this point she turns and says “There is something I don’t like, I can’t see the heartbeat.” She looks and looks and no luck. She measures the baby and it stopped growing at 9.1 weeks. There were other little signs that may indicate that baby had a chromosomal abnormality, such as the nucheal fold was very large.

She told us our options of either waiting for things to happen naturally so any where between a week and a month or a D&C in the morning. I opted for the D&C. Which I went for yesterday.

Hello and Goodbye little one.

Who am I?

As soon as you fall pregnant and make the announcement; you become your child.

There are very few people who know how to talk about more than your child to you. Look I understand that this little boy is basically part of me until I remove him from the boob at about 6 months, but I still am a person beyond him. I have found that people also become their babies. They can not talk about anything other than their baby or pregnancy.

I would not even complain if a fair amount of the conversation revolved around him then moved naturally on to other topics. It might be that people think that once you have a child you magically loose all other interests.

Ok before I sound like a whiny old cow, don’t get me wrong I love talking and bragging about my baby. But I don’t see anything wrong with still wanting to be me.

I was speaking to a friend of mine about this, she says that it is a dominantly South African trait. She has noticed her friends loose their identities to their babies, and I can say I have too.