Why so judgemental?

I know I may be opening a can of worms with this post, but oh well it is my blog and I will say what I want.  These are my opinions, you are entitled to feel differently.

Why do we feel the need to judge others on how they gave birth to their babies or what milk they fed them?

I had an emergency C-section because I was induced and Graeme was not dropping after many hours of labour and I breastfed for 14 months. I wanted a natural birth no pain killers and was going to breastfeed for 3 months. I would still like to have a natural birth for the experience and I will breastfed the next child, because I want to not because of any other reasons.

I worked at a school, granted it was special needs, but I could not tell you which kids were natural or C-section nor which where breast or bottle fed. And I doubt if you went into any school you would be able to tell the difference. I also did numerous teaching pracs and the children all pretty much looked like children. None had labels around their necks “Handle with care – Bottle fed” / “Handle with care – Extra long natural birth”.

I do believe there is a HUGE difference between bottle and breast feeding when in a rural community and there is not adequate access to clean water and sanitation. I have many friends who have bottle fed healthy happy babies some who are on par with Graeme developmentally and some who are above him. My issue with society forcing breast feeding is that the moms try so hard to give their babies the best, yet they end up with cracked nipples, no support and PND as a result.

My one friend struggled for a month to breast feed her baby, and eventually pumping because she could not feed him. And ended up with bad PND. Second time round she said she would like to give it a try again, and did but baby would not latch. So she went straight onto formula and was much happier because of it. This little boy has not been sick once despite being exposed to his big brother who goes to creche and other snotty monsters – such as mine.

Moving on to the birth choices. Really now I get that a baby was meant to come out of a woman’s bits. But if a mother wants to get her baby taken out via C-section what difference does it make in any one else’s life? Its her body and her baby. Society pushing on a woman how important natural birth is sometimes does more damage than good in my eyes. What about the woman who wants a C-section but everyone convinces her otherwise, if she is not mentally prepared to push that baby out she could end up with a long unhappy labour and not managing to bond with her baby.

I would like to say well done to all the mommies no matter how your baby was born – c-section, natural or adoption – and how you baby was fed. You are the best mommy cause you are their mommy and you love them. Dont let any one else judge you as long as you do what you feel is right.



9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Charlotte
    Nov 23, 2011 @ 14:57:36

    Great post! Lorelai has ear problems but that runs in the family and she is more healthy than most of the breast fed babies I know, she crawled at 4.5 months and walked at 8 months! It does not matter how your child comes into the world or how they are fed, you baby will be what he or she is meant to be!


  2. isufferfromfms
    Nov 23, 2011 @ 14:58:47

    I can’t like this post enough. Seriously. I honestly don’t know why it’s anyone elses business anyway. It’s your body, your baby.

    Agree with you 110% on everything!


  3. Corinne
    Nov 23, 2011 @ 16:55:03

    I agree but I also think moms are judged by paeds and midwives alike. We also need to be given the space to allow our little ones to reach their milestones when they do without the pressure of forcing them to…

    Great post.


  4. Trackback: Why so judgemental? « Tiny Toes – Your Guide To Breastfeeding
  5. To Love Bella
    Nov 24, 2011 @ 08:45:53

    How right you are! I’ve never done either (Isabella is adopted) but I stand firmly with you – no one has a right to judge others. In anything!
    I remember almost getting into a heavy debate with my MIL over her preferred (very forced!) choice of natural birth …
    To each his own, I say!


    • mommystoes
      Nov 24, 2011 @ 10:07:01

      But thats just it, its no body else’s business. She is your child and thats all that counts.

      People are entitled to their own opinions, but they should not be forced on others, we should be able to have a grown up conversation about these matters. But I feel that this area has become as taboo as politics and religion.


  6. Melany De Bruyn ت
    Nov 25, 2011 @ 12:24:10

    I totally agree with you. I had three c-sections. Breastfed Quintus for 7 weeks, Jason for 20 months and Zander for 16 months. They are all pretty much the same. Healthy, busy …. why judge people? Each to their own and all of that.


  7. cat@juggling act
    Nov 30, 2011 @ 09:50:57

    Amen! I can not agree more. I also wanted natural birth, but had to settle for a C section with no 1 as she refused to turn and was in a reverse bridge and 3,5kg. Then I asked for Vbac, but being twins the second time around, that was totally out of the question.


  8. pamiejane
    Dec 08, 2011 @ 09:43:00

    I also don’t understand the judging.


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