Secret Club

Before I had my D&C I did not realise how many people had miscarriages and D&Cs and just how common it really is.

I was only invited in the secret club once I had my D&C and honestly I am sure we would all prefer if this club did not exist. I don’t really want to belong to this club as things like this happen to other people. But the women who are part of it are so understanding and warm. It has helped the healing process hugely to have people to talk to who understand.

I am part of a forum that is for women who are trying to conceive (be it via the conventional route, with a little help or with adoption), are with a bump or already have hooligans of their own.  I started chatting on the thread appropriate for my due date from when I was about 5 weeks. When I found out that the baby had died and I needed a D&C, I went on and told the group I would be leaving the little clique. I then noticed a thread that I had always seen but of course I always thought it would never have any relevance to me (after all I had halready had a successful pregnancy), “The pregnancy after D&C” thread. I joined this thread in the hope of some help or support and I have ‘met’ an amazing bunch of women.

Only one of my friends has had D&Cs (that I was aware of), I was aware that she had about 4 of them but all of this happened before I had met her so the circumstances surrounding them were not really discussed: the topic never arose. She was one of the first people I phoned as I knew she would have advice and tell me what to expect and really there wasn’t any one else I could think of at the time.  She lost 2 of the babies at 5 weeks, one at 8 weeks and one at 15 weeks. Subsequently we have had a few deep and meaningful conversations and I am sure it has brought us closer as friends as we now share a new common ground.

I have slowly started finding out about about more people who have had D&Cs. I bumped into a mommy that I met while I was pregnant and see on a fairly regular basis. She wasn’t aware of what had happened and asked how I was feeling (symptom wise). After I told her we got talking and it turns out she’s had 3 miscarriages. She also commented on how common it is.

I think one of the reasons people do not talk about miscarriages is because a miscarriage, unlike the death of a loved one where you are allowed to show your emotions and validate them in the form of a physical burial, is a burial of a small part of the heart. A quiet, unspoken death, which too, needs to be grieved and mourned. For me it was more of what could have been and what little world I had planned in my head.

You really do not realise how common it is until it happens to you – and really I hope it never does.




Tuesday after the going to the OBGYN and getting the news we went up to the 8th floor to do the pre-admissions. Nothing exciting, all pretty routine. I was told the standard no eating or drinking after 12 and to check in the next morning by 6:30am.

So up at 5:30 to do my scrub down with stuff that smelt like cutex-remover. Get the snuggly boy out of bed and dressed and off we head to the hospital.

Once there I spent about 30 minutes trying to finish the check in process before I am told to go up to floor 11. The Sister took me through to my ward but unfortunately Graeme could come in so Bearn took him home for the morning.

I waited for a Sister to come do the final prep. At about 8:30 I was wheeled down to surgery, where I got asked for the 5th time if I had crowns or dentures… Do I look like I may?

Once in theater they started looking for a vein as they normally do, I should really put up a prize for those who can find it first time. The Anesthetist finally got it in and told me I would start feeling woozy pretty soon, I thought “Nah, this is having no effect on me.” Until the room started bouncing and jiggling and I was gone.

I woke up in recovery with the worst period type pains. Then had to lie there for a while to wake up all the way before going back to the ward.

The woman opposite me was already out of theater and back in the ward. All friendly she asks if I also had the Marena inserted. No way of saying what I had done lightly, so I told her I had a D&C done because there was no heartbeat at 9 weeks.  Very observantly she points out I look a little sad. At this point I tried to snuggle as low into the sheets as possible at this point to try avoid any further conversation.

I asked the Sister if I could please get dressed, as I felt rather uncomfortable. She says I may, but not allowed to leave yet. The lady opposite me receives a phone call. From what I could gather it is her ex of sorts and he was trying to out himself and she is trying to calm him down. She also lets out that she had funny tissue removed at the same time. She eventually hangs up and tells the Sisters that she must go now. Finally crazy lady leaves, leaving behind not so happy Sisters as she should have stayed longer.

I asked the Sister if I could go get a magazine while I wait for Bearn and to be discharged. She allows me to and gives me my script to fill at the same time. The start of the walk was okish, by the time I was standing at the pharmacy I wanted to die. The pharmacist can see this and tells me to sit while she gets the meds. Meds done and bought my magazine, so I waddle back up to the ward to wait.

Bearn gets there basically the same time as I do. Get my stuff and check out.

Once home I had the most awesome sarmie that Bearn bought from the deli up the road and snuggled down for a well deserved 3 hour nap.

Hello and Goodbye

About 5 weeks ago I had a funny feeling that I was missing some one. Then I realised I was a week late. So I did a test and only one line shows up. Leave the test for a few minutes and look again and there is a second line slowly getting darker. I was not sure how to take this as they say dont read results after so many minutes. I figured I could always do a blood test.

So off to Joburg to visit Mommy dear and she takes me for a test on the monday, and lo-and-behold it comes back as 4 weeks. I get my head around this and give the other half a call. Needless to say he is happy about this as he wants 4 and says I can keep them coming.

I phoned the OBGYN and made the first appointment for 5 and a bit weeks. We did the check up and everything looked perfect, a little flutter showing the heart. It was around this time that my morning sickness started kicking in. Queasy here and there and the occasional run to the loo.

I had told some close friends and some forum buddies at this point. With Graeme I told the world at 8 weeks, but this time round I had a funny feeling to keep my mouth shut.

Fast forward 4 weeks.

On Saturday I had a strange desire for MacDonalds and that was the last time I had morning sickness.

My next check up was on Tuesday, I was 9.3 weeks. We did the normal catch up the the OBGYN and then time for the scan. She inserts the scanner jobby up my who-ha. As she is going up to the baby I can see it has grown, but something doesn’t look right, Its not moving at all and I cant see the little black-grey-white flicker of the heart.

At this point she turns and says “There is something I don’t like, I can’t see the heartbeat.” She looks and looks and no luck. She measures the baby and it stopped growing at 9.1 weeks. There were other little signs that may indicate that baby had a chromosomal abnormality, such as the nucheal fold was very large.

She told us our options of either waiting for things to happen naturally so any where between a week and a month or a D&C in the morning. I opted for the D&C. Which I went for yesterday.

Hello and Goodbye little one.